Using coaching skills in everyday life

If you are a coach, take a moment to think about how coaching skills can be applied broadly to the full range of our everyday life relationships. We can use coaching skills to good effect with our friends, our spouses, our children, and even just in everyday interactions with acquaintances and strangers. The degree to which you do this, of course, depends on the relationship and the level of “permission” you have to engage in the other person’s life. But generally speaking, people appreciate good listening skills. They also appreciate appropriate curiosity and question-asking. These behaviors demonstrate interest, engagement, and respect.

I am not saying that every relationship in your life should be turned into a coaching relationship. I am saying that each of us should consider, “What are the ‘soft skills’ of coaching that are transferable to my everyday life right now?”

Coaching in everyday life

Adopting a general posture of curiosity toward others can lead to some great conversations. If someone tells you what they do, ask what they like best about it. Ask what led them to choose that field. And when people begin talking, ask following up questions that piggyback off what they’ve already shared, “What made that interesting for you?”

Often much of this boils down to the golden rule: do to others as you would have done to you. As a follower of Jesus, you do want to take a general posture of openness, curiosity and ministry toward others. How can we show Jesus to those around us? We are all representatives of Jesus, reflections of him in the world. What type of attitude and posture might you best adopt in order to reflect the heart of God to others in your everyday interactions with strangers, acquaintances, and friends?

Here’s another example. When a friend is struggling with her small children, you could ask, “What have you tried so far?” Then listen. Then ask, “What else might you consider trying?” Then listen. “What could that look like with your kids?” Then listen. Then say, “Let me know how that goes next time we meet up.” And then next time you meet up, be sure to ask. This is “coaching lite”—better known as being a good and helpful friend… the kind of person who just generally helps and supports others through life.

A biblical example

We have the example of Jesus on many, many occasions as he interacted with strangers in the pages of the Bible. Although he never forced his way in if people did not want to talk with him, he was open to engagement and often initiated it. He asked a Samaritan woman for a drink of water. He invited a wealthy tax collector down from his lookout position on a tree to engage the curious man further. He asked a blind man, “What is it you want me to do for you?”

An exercise

Make a list of some of the “soft skills” of coaching and be intentional about trying to incorporate them into everyday life conversations with whoever God puts in your path. Then step back and see what God might be up to in those interactions!

Resources

Barnabas Ministry Training– Would you like to see less volunteer and pastor burnout? Your leaders fully supported and growing in their roles? Your community confident in their calling and working cooperatively within the body of Christ? How about a simple discipleship model that meets people where they are, and helps them take the next best step in their walk with Jesus? You want a Barnabas coaching ministry! Coaching is an invaluable tool to help your people and ministries flourish in their unique callings and functions within the church and the community. This downloadable turnkey kit is all you need to launch a solid coaching ministry!

Becoming Barnabas– This short book casts vision for coaching as a ministry. Barnabases are people who are instrumental in developing others, the people who are rarely in the spotlight themselves but make that spotlight a reality for others. By learning about the quiet but tremendous power of Barnabas ministry, you can make a difference for the Kingdom of God.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash