At a difficult time in my life, I received some very negative feedback from someone.  I really took it to heart and began to think it through. When I connected with my friend and colleague Chuck Ridley to help me process it, he helped me realize that, in this case, something was likely being projected onto me that wasn’t really true.

Some negative feedback is true and constructive, and we can use it to help us grow. However, some is destructive, so we need to sort the feedback we get so that we can accept and own what is true and helpful for our growth and reject what is not. Sometimes we’re under the impression that all feedback needs to be received. It all needs to be heard, but it doesn’t all need to be accepted.

It’s a matter of separating the wheat from the chaff. In doing that, we need to be careful not to be self-deceived. It’s easy to say to yourself, “Oh, that’s not true about me.” That’s why we need to bring wise and trusted people into our process. Before you reject something as destructive, check it with someone you trust– not someone who will just make you feel good, but a friend who will tell you the truth.