Part of why the world feels so divisive and oppositional today is that we are not truly seeking to understand the perspective, values, and assumptions of others. We think those that disagree with us are idiots. This is polarization. But if you could understand the assumptions they have about life, the value system they have, if you could understand the principles that guide what they are thinking, and the experiences that have led them there… you’ll find there is indeed some logic to where they’re coming from. You may still disagree with them, but you’ll realize they’re not idiots. They hold their beliefs for a reason.
Maintain Curiosity
One of the ways to reduce polarization is to be curious and seek to truly understand what the other person is saying. If you can listen, respect, not interrupt, and articulate their understanding—to their satisfaction—then you have understood.
Once I had a youth intern who invited a Mormon missionary in to have a conversation. He cared, as he had some family members who were Mormon, so the issue was close to his heart. Without asking me, the youth intern invited the missionary to come back next week and promised that he would bring Pastor Bob. I don’t normally engage Mormon missionaries, as it usually just serves to sharpen their skills, but because of this intern I came. The missionary had brought some friends, including the leader of their seminary (more akin to an adult Sunday school teacher in their tradition). I spent an entire hour seeking to understand their view of God. After multiple—and exhausting—reframes, I was finally able to articulate to their satisfaction their understanding of who God is. “Yes,” they finally said, “that’s right. That’s what we believe.”
Only once I had done that have I earned the right to articulate my own perspective. “Okay,” I said, “we’ve taken an hour. I’m now able to articulate your understanding of God and Jesus. It’s only fair now that you show me the same grace and listen to my understanding.” They agreed, but didn’t have time now, so suggested meeting next week. The following week, a whole bunch of them showed up. I came prepared to look at a hundred passages showing that Jesus is God, but I only had time to walk them through three that hour. I concluded by telling them that if any of them were truly interested, I’d be happy to connect with them individually.
There’s Hope
Three years later. I baptized the leader of the seminary. He had somehow (by the Holy Spirit) connected with someone else at our church, began attending, and gave his life to Jesus. That would never have happened with taking the time to listen and seeking to truly understand.
We can apply the same principle to any number of religious, doctrinal, cultural, or political polarization: seek to truly understand where the other person is coming from.
Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash