Leadership development is a big part of your job. You need staff members who can grow into their roles and carry more responsibility, small group leaders who can move from giving advice to truly listening and meeting needs. And all of this has to happen while you juggle preaching, counseling, vision casting, and the countless details that keep ministry moving. Your people have potential but helping them grow is complicated. You can lead better by trading answers for questions.
You Can’t Do the Work for Them
There are likely strong, passionate people on your staff who lack follow-through, people who are gifted but insecure, committed volunteers who offer opinions instead of support. Mentoring and training help a little but the growth you long to see feels slow or stuck. When leaders aren’t developing fast enough, it is tempting to default to one of two extremes:
Doing too much for them
Sometimes it is just easier and faster to do it for them. But stepping in whenever there’s a gap trains people to depend on you. It demonstrates that you don’t believe they can, at least not as well as you can. That defeats the purpose of having a team.
Pulling back completely
Maybe you have shown them how or maybe you figured it out on your own and think they can do that too. Time or experience will do the trick, right? It is important to leave room for people to do things their own way but leaving them to trial and error on their own is a recipe for discouragement.
The real opportunity lies in the middle ground—coaching people toward growth instead of pushing them toward performance.
The Ask, Don’t Tell Strategy
One of the most powerful coaching strategies you can practice right away is this:
Resist the urge to tell and ask instead.
Coaching shifts the posture of leadership from expert to explorer. Instead of giving answers, you guide people toward discovering their own. This approach invites ownership, builds confidence, and encourages long-term development.
Try This
Start with Curiosity
When someone brings you a challenge, resist the temptation to fix it and intentionally remain curious. Curiosity slows the moment down and signals trust. It communicates, You’re capable. Let’s think through this together. Instead of telling them what to do try asking:
- “What have you already tried?”
- “What outcome are you hoping for?”
Draw Out Insight
Help people reflect on what’s working and what isn’t. Ask questions that help to identify patterns and solutions from within their own experience. People are far more likely to follow up on their own ideas, which makes growth stick. Try asking:
- “What part of this seems to be going well?”
- “Where are you feeling stuck?”
- “What might you do differently next time?”
Clarify Next Steps
End every coaching conversation with simple, actionable commitment. Accountability turns good intentions into transformation so be sure to schedule follow up. Try asking:
- “What’s one step you’ll take this week?”
- “Who can support you as you do that?”
- “When can we meet to discuss how it goes?”
Empower Ownership
As people begin to find their own answers, step back and let them lead. Coaching isn’t about maintaining control; it’s about cultivating confidence. The more ownership they take, the more their leadership capacity expands.
Why It Works
When you lead through coaching, you help people grow instead of burn out. You’re still shepherding, but you’re doing it in a way that multiplies leaders instead of managing them. And coaching is deeply biblical. Jesus himself asked questions that drew people into discovery: “Who do you say that I am?” “Do you want to be healed?”
Coaching helps you lead better because it honors both the Holy Spirit’s work in a person and your call as a pastor to equip the saints.
The Bigger Picture
The “ask, don’t tell” approach is just one of many coaching strategies that can transform your ministry. Pastors who are equipped with a full toolkit of coaching skills tap into a powerful multiplication engine.
Coaching doesn’t just help people perform better; it helps them become who God made them to be.
Right now, we’re forming new coach training groups for pastors and ministry leaders who want to grow in these skills. If you’d like to learn more, email admin@loganleadership.com and let us know you’re interested in coach training. Act now! There are only a few spots left!